Looking Good or Doing Good?
Hi, everyone. It has been a while since we have talked. I thank you for coming back to read my latest thoughts. Anyway, I have been thinking earlier about something that my professor said in class. He asked the students in the class how many had read either “The Grand Inquisitor,” or the novel that the story came from, The Brothers Karamazov. Only one hand was raised. Then, he asked how many people owned a copy of The Brothers Karamazov, and several more hands were raised, mine included. (Full disclosure: I bought the book about a week before the class, thinking that we would need the whole book for class. I found out later that there is actually a book form of this chapter, but I decided later that I had done the right thing because I figured that I would like to read it in its entirety one day.)
Knowingly, the professor talked about books like these being on our shelves as a way to impress our friends. I do not know the extent to which that is true for me, but I do know that I have several books on my bookshelves that I have not yet read (that I plan on reading some day, probably this summer when I am not taking classes and can focus on teaching and other intellectual pursuits for my personal betterment), including: War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy, Moby-Dick by Herman Melville, Uncle Tom’s Cabin by Harriet Beecher Stowe, Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury, and On the Origin of the Species by Charles Darwin.
I think that this is something that a lot of us in the academic profession (and even some people who are not in the academic profession) can easily be tempted by: the desire to prove one’s self well read, even if that means owning a lot of books that one has never read. I looked on my bookshelves, and not counting the books that my wife owns that just aren’t really my thing (textbooks and true crime novels, although I used to read a little bit more of the latter when I was younger), I own over one hundred books that I have never read. A lot of those books, I have not even opened. (In a similar vein, I also own a few video games that I have never actually played. They seemed interesting at the time, but the plot line seemed quite long, and I just never got around to playing them, preferring to play games that have a much more episodic format, such as sports games. None of those games are first person shooters, by the way, because I knew that I had no interest in them at all.)
So, this leads me to a bigger question: why do we feel a need to prove ourselves to other people? Would it not be better to have a more authentic life and actually have read these books, even if it meant going to the library and checking them out so you could read them there, even if your friends could not see them on your shelf (almost as, in Jerry Seinfeld’s word, trophies) as evidence of your intellectual prowess? I guess this is a big reminder that there are times that it is better to do good than to look good to others.
How do you make sure to do good rather than look good (and yes, I do appreciate the irony of this question)?
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Tags: appearance, doing good, honesty, integrity, looking good, personal strength
This entry was posted on Tuesday, February 21st, 2012 at 8:10 pm and is filed under Personal Development, Steve's Book Club. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
February 22nd, 2012 at 4:05 pm
Very important analogy Steve, and while you used books and reading it certainly can apply to other areas of our life. I’ve never personally been tempted to keep up with or attempt to outdo the “jones” but I’ve certainly known many people who have, but I tend to think it’s a self-esteem issue. As far as books, I’m an avid reader and have 3 bookshelves – each book has been read at least 3 times.
marquita herald´s last [type] ..What Would You Miss if You Could Not Read or Write?
February 23rd, 2012 at 3:55 am
Steve,
you make us aware of some valid points. I would not know about others me being on to look at myself. I would never just purchase or take a book just to say I have it.
One main book that it takes a lifetime to master all the truths within is “The Bible”. It is a blue print to business and education. Just about everything and anything.
However, I have been in business for over two decades and have hungreds of books. I use them like reference daily being in the business to support and serve others. I need to know where information is. It has made me change since I was a younger man in my 20s. I never like anything except self-help and economic books.
Time moves on and those who have the time to waste worring about how they look to others miss their way in this journey. It takes away the unique qualities and get to be a problem.
Your an amazing well read empowering visionary in our industry. I give you A+ on insight and well deserved persistence in gaining more knowledge to share.
Steve, you have me think deeply with each article you have blessed us with. I like being challenged with my mind. Most locations are not worth the time to evaluate with all the junk of sales ads. Great job in presenting information that will long be a topic in my communications.
William Earl Amis Jr III´s last [type] ..Wait!
February 24th, 2012 at 1:40 pm
Thanks Steve
It seems that some of us have to dress better, have better houses, furniture, flaunt their wealth, It’s like Marquita says outdo the Jones or keeping up with the Jones.
Thanks again
Sharon´s last [type] ..This is something we should all read at least once a week!!!!!
February 26th, 2012 at 10:03 am
Ah! The need to impress! Isn’t that just part of human nature? Actually, is it not even just part of our animal nature. Look at the peacock strutting his feathers, the rooster crowing in the pre-dawn hours, the cat perpetually licking and pruning itself, the lizard extending its dewlap, and on and on and on. We humans simply extend that behavior to purchasing the latest and greatest cars, fashion, cookware, digital gadgets and on and on ad nauseum. We bury ourselves in rent and/or mortgages to live in the fanciest houses in the fanciest neighborhoods, we vie for that corner office on the top floor, etc., etc., while all the time forgetting that, if we are honest with, what we are all looking for in each other are qualities that none of these outward expressions truly provide.
February 26th, 2012 at 3:23 pm
Steve,
My ex-wife had a Pampered Chef party years ago, and she BORROWED books to set around the house so her friends would think she had/was reading them. I found out when I came home early and saw the display.
Now days, I have some books laying around, using them as drink coasters because I’m too lazy to put them away. lol
Tom
Tom Burt´s last [type] ..Upside-down Land
February 26th, 2012 at 4:15 pm
Stephen,
Hi. Only 100 books? That’s not so many. I have at least 100 in my front bookcase, some in fileboxes in my closet, not to mention the hundreds of other books I have in a storage facility. So, in my case, the books are not for “show.” What happens is I attend an event or hear about a book online, for a specific purpose – relationships, healing, success, body therapy, and I purchase it. At first, I usually at least glance through the book, intending to read more deeply at another point. But then it goes into the bookcase, I get distracted, and more books arrive. But many of the books do come in handy when I am writing something that requires research, that is, if I can locate the book.
Warmly,
Dr. Erica
Dr. Erica Goodstone´s last [type] ..Tips for Co-Parenting After Divorce by Guest Blogger Scott Morgan
February 29th, 2012 at 2:45 pm
If you really like the Karamazov Brothers from Fyodor Dostoyevsky,you have to read the War and Peace as soon as possible, it must be a very good read for you. I know, that it’s a little bit long, but it’s really worth to read. Anyway, the most unread books you’ve mentioned are simple genial! You’ve got a very good taste!
Julie´s last [type] ..dentists london
March 9th, 2012 at 8:56 pm
Thank you for your comment, Marty! Please forgive the lateness of my reply. I think that you are right that some of it might be self-esteem. Between me and my wife, we have four bookshelves. Most of the books are mine, but I’m not sure the exact ratio, and the fourth bookshelf is starting to get pretty full. I also have a pretty big bookshelf full of books at my parents’ house, mostly from when I was younger. It seems like every time I want to get to another book, I find something else that interests me, and the queue gets a little deeper, but I am slowly but surely working through my reading. (Right now, I am going through the devotional My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers for this year, and going though The Heart Mender by Andy Andrews [a very powerful book on forgiveness], Your Signature Life by Diana Boohrer, and The Intelligent Investor by Benjamin Graham [Warren Buffett's mentor. It's no wonder he has had so much success based on my reading of the first four chapters.]) I remember someone saying that one of his saddest realizations was that he knew that he would never be able to read every book he wanted to in his lifetime, and the more I thought about it, the more I realized he was right.
March 9th, 2012 at 9:01 pm
Thank you for your reply, William! I’ve noticed as time goes on that it seems like my book tastes have shifted with the things that I have been interested in over the years. I never buy a book with the intention of using it as a trophy, I just never got around to reading them. (I even have a list with a few books that I want to read now in order.) I am glad that you have enjoyed my writing. I have enjoyed yours as well, and I can’t wait to see where your writing leads in the future!
March 9th, 2012 at 9:03 pm
Thank you for your reply, Sharon! It really is amazing how easy it is to get caught up in the mania of trying to impress others, but I think that we are a lot better served if we focus on doing great things and then let others’ thoughts about them take care of themselves.
March 9th, 2012 at 9:04 pm
Thank you for your reply, Steve! You are so right. If we just focus on living a better life, we will feel a lot better than trying to spend all of our time convincing others how great we really are.
March 9th, 2012 at 9:06 pm
Thank you for your reply, Tom! I think that it is very interesting that she would borrow books just so people would think that she had them. Ultimately, I just don’t see how this will do anything for anyone. Then again, my bookshelves aren’t in the living room, so I don’t have to worry about that
March 9th, 2012 at 9:08 pm
Thank you for your reply, Dr. Erica! The “over 100″ referred to the books that I haven’t read yet. I know that I have enough books that (along with my wife) are enough to fill four bookshelves. For me, they are books that I want to read, but I just haven’t got to, and it seems like just when I think that I am going to cut into my Unread Books collection, I find more books and they get buried. Maybe I need to have a “no book buying unless for school” rule for a while
March 9th, 2012 at 9:11 pm
Thank you for your reply, Julie! Because of my schedule (Right now, being a Ph.D. student, I am practically expected to read two books a week.) So far, I have only read “The Grand Inquisitor,” but I think that reading the rest of the book might be my first reading priority once this semester is over. One of these days, I hope to finish them. It took going to Iraq to finish Don Quixote and Summa Theologiae once and for all, but I hope it doesn’t come to that in the future
March 9th, 2012 at 11:46 pm
Steve, I have bought and read so many books, I worry more about people seeing goofy topics on my bookshelves! But I don’t really care what people think. I have boxes and boxes of books that no one ever sees.
Astro Gremlin´s last [type] ..Blogs News Reviews Writer Wins Blog Engage Gold Membership
March 15th, 2012 at 5:22 am
Yes Steve,
I also like to buy books.
I haven’t really thought about how it makes me look though. I keep my books in my office, very few people venture in there…:)
But, I do have a chronic issue of buying a good looking book and not reading it. or reading the first 6 chapters and stopping halfway through the book.
Anyway, if the question is “which one is right”
I would say that it is better to read the book, than buy the book and not read it.
Martin
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March 15th, 2012 at 7:35 pm
Hi Steve,
I think many people get caught up in proving themselves to others instead of proving to themselves what is possible for their life by doing great things…and, not caring what other people think about it!
Nicole Luongo´s last [type] ..Lies
March 29th, 2012 at 12:10 am
Hey Steve, you hit a pet peeve of mine. I find that people who collect books is a sign that they want to show others that they are readers, or are intelligent.
For me, I’m allergic to dust, so I cannot keep books around unless they are in my glass case. It can only hold so much.
When I read a book, I immediately give it away. Sharing knowledge is what I like to do. I don’t read novels, but informational books.
When someone asks me “What are you reading lately” and I tell them, they are always puzzled. Guess I’m not a mainstream person.
I am always to improve myself because I believe as we grow through time, there is so much to learn. Do I care about what people think of me? Absolutely NOT.
I enjoyed this post,
Donna
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