Steve the Owl's Blog

“The making of a great compilation tape, like breaking up, is hard to do and takes ages longer than it might seem. You gotta kick off with a killer, to grab attention. Then you got to take it up a notch, but you don’t wanna blow your wad, so then you got to cool it off a notch. There are a lot of rules. Anyway… I’ve started to make a tape… in my head… for Laura. Full of stuff she likes. Full of stuff that would make her happy. For the first time, I can sort of see how that’s done.”- John Cusack as Rob Gordon in High Fidelity

Hi, everyone. It is after midnight here, which means that my second anniversary technically ended a few minutes ago. My wife and I had a nice day. We went to Golden Corral to celebrate our anniversary, because the food is pretty good, and we save it for special occasions. (After all, there’s only so many times one can go to a buffet.) We learned the dilemma of going to a buffet place. Go too soon, and you probably won’t eat what you normally do; go too late, you will eat a lot more during the day. On the way back and forth from the restaurant, we decided to listen to the CD of the songs we picked for our wedding, and my brother (the best man) helped me get them recorded.

This made me think about the nature of the set list at a wedding. In many ways, it says a lot about what a couple desires for their future. It also should say something about the people getting married, and a little about their story. So, with this in mind, here is the song list that my wife and I compiled for our wedding, with stories behind some of them.

Disk One

“Lullaby” by The Dixie Chicks (I knew from just about the first time that I heard this song in 2006 that I wanted it as the first son when I got married. I made sure to guard it by only telling one friend, and warning her that she was the only one I was telling, and that I would know if she told anyone. Here is a fan video of the song. The chorus alone was reason enough to include it here, but the song is very haunting with its spare accompaniment.)

“So Happy Together” by The Turtles
“Cross My Heart” by George Strait (If it were solely up to Darlene, I think this would’ve been her choice for the first dance. Instead, it was the song for the “father’s dance,” but he couldn’t make it, so her uncle filled in.)
“From This Moment On” by Shania Twain
“A Moment Like This” by Kelly Clarkson (One that I wasn’t sure about at first, because I wasn’t sure if the “moment like this” was winning American Idol or finding love. A look at the lyric sheet reassured me.)
“Don’t Worry Baby” by The Beach Boys (Brian Wilson is one the most underrated vocalists of the 20th century, and I thought it was fitting to include one of his songs in the mix if I was going to pick a song by The Beach Boys.)
“I Got You Babe” by Sonny & Cher
“Galapogos” by The Smashing Pumpkins (Billy Corgan is one of the greatest songwriters of his generation, and this one was a wild card, but its mixture of melancholy and hope seemed too tempting to resist. One of my friends commented that they expected a lot of songs from the 1990′s alternative rock genre, and this was the first.)
“Love of a Lifetime” by Firehouse
“Truly, Madly, Deeply” by Savage Garden (I must admit that this isn’t one I would’ve included, but Darlene really liked it, and the lyrics worked, so it went in the list.)
“In Your Eyes” by Peter Gabriel
“Hero” by El May (full version; included because the movie that a shortened cover was in, The Baxter, was the first movie we saw together.)
“You Do Something to Me” by Sinead O’Connor (“Nothing Compares 2 U” is the song she is best remembered for, but this cover of a Cole Porter song is simply amazing. It was also fun to watch my friends when they didn’t realize who sang it and I told them who it was.)
“I’ll Be” by Edwin McCain
“And I Love Her” by The Beatles (How could you not include The Beatles?)
“This Will Be (Everlasting Love)” by Natalie Cole
“La Luna” by Belinda Carlisle

Disk Two
“Cha Cha Slide” by Casper (You have to include some big dance number, and this was the one Darlene wanted. The irony is that we had to change in order to turn the rentals in, and since most didn’t seem to want to dance, we ended up skipping it.)
“Let’s Stay Together” by Al Green (This was a pick by me as a transition more towards thinking of the future.)
“Safe in the Arms of Love” by Martina McBride
“Always and Forever” by Shania Twain
“Circle in the Sand” by Belinda Carlisle (With the possible exception of “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun,” this is the oldest song by a female artist I remember. [The oldest by a male artist is either "Beat It" or "Every Breath You Take."] It has a very positive tone of eternal love.)
“It’s Your Love” by Tim McGraw & Faith Hill
“Wonderful Tonight” by Eric Clapton
“Unforgettable” by Nat King Cole
“Of a Broken Heart” by Zwan (The best song from Billy Corgan’s side project, I had a little bit of fun with some of the metaphors in the lyrics.)
“Answer” by Sarah McLachlan (My favorite female artist. Friends asked if my “big three” of female artists were included. I couldn’t really think of any that fit for Shakira, and PJ Harvey couldn’t make the list because, needless to say, it probably isn’t the best idea to have a song that screams “I can’t believe life’s so complex when I just want to sit here and watch you undress” in a church setting. That, and the driving beat didn’t really fit with the mood we were aiming for. So, that meant that Sarah McLachlan would make the list. Most of her love songs tend to be about the end, so I thought I would go with one that was more optimistic, even though it still has a beautiful melancholy to it.)
“You’re Still the One” by Shania Twain (Darlene picked the other Shania Twain songs on this list, but this was my response to family members who weren’t happy about our relationship.)
“All Apologies” by Nirvana (With the Lights Out version) (Nirvana is my all-time favorite band. This one was included because the lyrics are a little different than the version on In Utero and Unplugged in New York.)
“I Wanna Grow Old with You” by Adam Sandler (I also wanted “When I’m 64″ by The Beatles, but it was vetoed. We wanted these songs as a way to signal that the reception was coming to a close.)
“Hero” by Michelle Williams (from The Baxter) (We thought it was a fitting conclusion because of the lines leading up to it at the end of the movie. ["That's the end of my story. For everyone who's ever been dumped by the girl, or splashed by a taxi, there's hope."] For the version we used, start the video at 0:58.)

Hi, everyone. Today marks a very special day for Steve the Owl’s Blog. With two humble posts exactly one year ago: one shortly after midnight, and one at 10 pm that quiet Sunday evening, I entered the world of content-driven blogging. My first post talked about some experiences that I’d had earlier that year with people insisting on “their” parking space during a blizzard, and how this only led to fewer parking spaces available for everyone. My second, fitting for something that was written on a Sunday inspired by thinking through some things on the way home from church, got to the very core of why people want to build a business, and how some have gone to a message of prosperity gospel that, in my opinion, misses the entire point of the Bible and turns God into a genie.

With these humble beginnings, I began my blog, which has to this day operated under the idea of “life, business, and so much more.” While some may argue for a more narrow niche, I’ve found that my niche has been about the everyday experiences I have had (including the books I’ve read, the music I’ve heard, and the TV and movies I’ve seen) that teach so much about our personal development and business.

There has been a lot of trial and error along the way, but I thank each and every person who has been there with my as I have worked on this labor of love for the past year. With that in mind, I would like to thank the five most frequent commenters on my blog over the last twelve months, in order from 1-5.

Coach Freddie Coach Freddie has done some wonderful work in the world of video blogging, including a lengthy and excellent series on each of the 64 success principles presented by jack Canfield. He is truly a great mind in the world of personal development. We are at the top of each other’s commenter list, and it has been a great honor getting to know Coach Freddie. Keep your eyes out for a blog exchange between the two of us coming soon.

Oliver Tausend Oliver held the number-one spot among my commenters for a pretty long time. Like me, his interests are pretty varied, with a large focus on personal development and business with a lot of stories based on his personal experiences. He has done a lot of work in several different syndication groups, so if you’ve seen him around but haven’t stopped by this blog, be sure to do so.

Karen Marrow Karen is someone who focuses primarily on personal development, with some emphasis on business. I have found a lot of great value on her blog, and I had the honor of guest-posting on her blog earlier this spring after winning a contest for a great book on personal development, Happy for No Reason.

Jayne Kopp I met Jayne this winter on the Clever Marketer Prove It Challenge, and both of us crossed the finish line together on the same day. Considering that she was pretty far behind the pace for the challenge toward the end, this shows her dedication to her blog and to her readers. Be sure to read about her experiences with personal and business development, and how she weaves them into a life narrative.

Vicki Berry Vicki is someone who has several blogs, and the blog where I know her the best is the one that I linked to. She offers some great advice on business and blogging, with an emphasis on SEO and copywriting. If you want to learn about how to build a business and how to learn the rules of the road for creating a great blog, I can think of no better place to start.

Thank you to everyone who has read my blog and commented. I will never forget you. I hope to provide even more value in the second year of this blog than the first.

Today is Valentine’s Day, one of the most popular days for expressing romantic love for our significant others. Like Halloween, this is a holiday that tends to change depending on the age of the person celebrating it. When you’re young, Valentine’s Day is a fun day when there’s a party in your classroom and everyone gets a card and some candy. Then, when you get to that awkward age, Valentine’s Day becomes a holiday where friends who are in a relationship seem to just rub it in while you’re by yourself. Then, there’s new-relationship Valentine’s Day, a time of optimism and going all out for the other. Finally, there’s married Valentine’s Day, which could have a completely different meaning. Here are some thoughts about making it a great one.

Remember Who You Fell in Love With

Sometimes, we get so busy with life that we tend to be so busy that we lose track of the people who surround us on a regular basis. I don’t think that it is something that is done with malice, but simply an assumption that things will always be the same. However, as much as the people of DeBeer’s want us to believe that “a diamond is forever,” it wasn’t always a diamond. Glass appears to be a solid, but it is actually a liquid, albeit the world’s slowest moving liquid.

I was talking to a friend the other day about natural borders for political and geographic purposes. I grew up in West Virginia and he grew up in Kentucky, so one of those rivers as boundaries that we are both familiar with is the Ohio River. When the border was finally settled in the 1850′s, half was in the Kentucky border, and the other half was part of Indiana. However, over time, the Ohio River has moved, and there are a lot of parts of the boundary that just don’t work any more, because there are things that switched from one side to the other, and one state is holding up a bridge to connect a business on the Indiana side, and Indiana has tried to get the boundary moved. Long story short: even a diamond isn’t forever and unchanging. If you want to have a great Valentine’s Day, remember to keep studying the person you fell in love with however many years ago.

Like Every Day, but Special

One of the key things to remember about Valentine’s Day is the paradox above. You should always hold your lover in high esteem and focus on doing special things, but holidays (complaints about the Hallmark company aside) are a good way to remind us of the things that are important to us. In this way, you should to something that is special, and don’t be worried if the things that you do can’t be done on the exact day (I made an easy version of chicken parmesan. You’d probably laugh if I told you the recipe.) but we are going to go to a soul food restaurant just outside of city limits that has some good food and used to be only seven blocks from our old apartment. Is that a traditional Valentine’s event? No, but the restaurant has meaning to us, so that is why we are going there.

What are you doing to keep Valentine’s Day alive in your life?

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One of the things in life that I’ve always found interesting is the question of sacrifice. Sometimes, someone really does give up something that meant everything to him/her without the expectation of something in return for something bigger than him/herself. Other times, there is something that seems like it is a sacrifice, but in the end, it turns out not to be a sacrifice at all.

What Is Beauty?

In Western society, one of the indicators of physical attractiveness for women is hair, and it is usually accented by long hair. While there are periods where short hair becomes more in fashion, such as in the 1920′s, these periods tend to be the exception. However, going to the other end of the spectrum and giving up hair completely seems to be the last taboo for beauty in our culture. While there are some in pop culture who have defied this ideal in the media largely to acclaim, this is still the exception rather than the rule in society at large. However, while some notions of beauty tend to be universal (such as symmetry and proportion), there are some that seem to be more culturally specific, and the question of hair seems to be one of those things. In some cultures, a shaved head (regardless of gender) is seen as a sign of a new beginning or of religious conversion.

What Is Sacrifice?

It is with this in mind that I tell you a story from last year. A while back, just for fun, my then-girlfriend and I were playing around with photoshop, and we saw what we would look like without hair. So, she decided that, after we got married and moved into a place of our own, that she would give away all of her hair to charity. I promised her that if she ever did, I would do the same with my hair, as well as get rid of my beard.

So, I got some hair clippers on sale at the store, and made sure to get extra razors and shave gel. We got married on May 23, came back from our honeymoon May 31, and moved into our new place over the next two days. On the evening of June 3rd, we started the process. Because my wife’s hair is extremely thick, she put it into five pony tails before the donation began. I thought that she could make more, but she insisted that five would be enough. However, as we would soon find out as my scissors were put to the test, five was not quite enough. Also, because of how thick her hair was, the clippers started to overheat, so we decided that we had to finish the job the next day. With her hair less than an inch long, I used the clippers and razor to finish the job, and because my hair was only three inches long (thus making it far too short to donate), my wife got the clippers and razors and finished my hair pretty quickly.

So, why do I say that there are times when something really isn’t a sacrifice? Well, here is what we looked like after she gave her hair away, so I will let you be the judge:

What I think makes her so beautiful in these pictures is not so much the way that she looks, although I do think that she is extremely beautiful in the picture, and I think that it does really bring out her eyes. However, I think that she is about the most beautiful I have ever seen her in this picture because she showed her true beauty by taking a risk about her physical appearance to help someone who may never even know that she was the one who gave them everything she had.

I love movies. One of the things that is so great about movies, and a lot of great art, is the way that it so eloquently describes our conditions and our dreams. I have seen a lot of movies in many genres. One of those genres that I have thought about recently is the romantic comedy. Some versions of romantic comedies are geared towards a heavily female audience, and they get the sometimes undeserved label of “chick flick.”

The Need for Competition

My favorite romantic comedy of all time has to be The Baxter. It was released in 2005 starring Michael Showalter in a movie that examines what happens to the other guy in romantic comedies. In this movie, the other guy is referred to as a “baxter,” the man who is destined to be dumped. This got me thinking: how many romantic comedies that I have seen have the other person who is destined to be dumped because the leading lady is already in a relationship at the beginning of the movie? In Bridget Jones’s Diary, it is a battle between Daniel Cleaver and Mark Darcy; in You’ve Got Mail, it’s Joe Fox vs. the Greg Kinnear character. In The Baxter, there are actually multiple competing love interests going on involving people who must get hurt. However, this movie is a satire of the genre. I realize that there are times that there are multiple people who love the same person, which means that someone’s feelings will get hurt. However, there are also plenty of relationships that start between people who happen to be single when they meet.

The End… Or The Beginning?

At the end of Bridget Jones’s Diary, the words “The End” are crossed out and replaced by “The Beginning.” However, how many romantic comedies end things right there when the couple have found each other? With the prevalence of divorce, I wonder how many people decided that the reason why they couldn’t be in the relationship any more is because the “new relationship excitement” is gone, and they become junkies for that feeling. However, here is the problem with that line of thought: real life is often what happens after we lose that initial excitement and decide to commit to a lifetime.

Why This Happens

I don’t think that romantic comedies are doing this with a goal of sabotaging the institution of marriage. I think that they are trying to present a storybook fantasy, and they skip over just what “and they all lived happily ever after” really means. So, why do they end there? Because, from a cinematic point of view, the interesting part is the chase. There are some movies and TV shows that illustrate the difficulty of this thinking, although it seems more prevalent in TV where the artists get years to develop a character, as opposed to a few hours.

So, if you are looking for that fairy tale moment, never forget that these movies are meant to convey a fantasy. There is nothing wrong with fantasy at all, but we have to be able to tell the difference between the two, and decide every day to make the commitment to make our marriages work.

Last month, I celebrated my first wedding anniversary. While I do not pretend to be an expert on the subject of marriage, I want to take this opportunity to reflect on the past year, and what things I have learned that I hope will help others as they go along the marital journey.

“I Love My Wife”

In his excellent book Everything and a Kite, Ray Romano says that this is a phrase that is so difficult for him to utter that this phrase could be a very effective field sobriety test for most men, even “quoting” his wife at the end of the book after he explains that, looking back on his (then) eleven-year marriage, that he loves his wife, asking if he has been drinking. Well, I am a teetotaler, so I can say with no suspicion of intoxication that I love my wife. Our relationship was a long-distance relationship until one week before the wedding, when I flew down to see her as she prepared for her trip east for the wedding. It was a big transition for me going from spending hours on the phone every day and seeing her for a week or two every few months, but I can say honestly that there is not one moment over that time when I regret marrying her. It has been even better than I could imagine, I am glad to have her in my life, and I look forward to more anniversaries as the years roll by.

Changes

As I said earlier, my relationship with my wife was over the course of 1400 miles until shortly before our wedding. I am not saying that the changes were bad, but that there were things that would be different for the rest of my life. I am someone who has the tendency to put things in what an old sergeant once called “organized piles.” Namely, I know where everything is, but my system is one that others might not recognize. Ironically, whenever I put things in an “organized” place, that is when I tend to lose them. Needless to say, this is not something that always goes over well. However, this is just an example of give-and-take. There are going to be times when spouses are used to doing things in a different way. It’s not that one way is right and the other one is wrong; they are just different. In cases like these, it always helps to keep things in perspective and realize that it is not the end of the world if something is a little different than “normal.”

A Commitment Means Just That

A few years ago, I went to a friend’s wedding. There were many things that struck me as odd as I watched my friends getting married by someone who received his ordination through the Internet (As a seminary graduate, this could be the topic of an entire blog post on its own.), but the one that struck me as the most odd was the fact that “lifelong” or “as long as you both shall live” or any variant thereof was never uttered by anyone at any time during the ceremony. (The closest was “[y]our life together.”) Within three years, the marriage crumbled. I have heard from many clerics of several different denominations, and they have told me that there are a lot of wedding ceremonies that are performed today without any mention of a lifelong commitment. (One even went so far as to promise “I will marry you as long as my love remains for you.”)

With the divorce rate in the United States stabilizing at somewhere around 50% after a long and steady increase since roughly the Civil War, and a rate that is even higher among those who have already been divorced, one of the most striking things about this trend is the lack of commitment. I considered it an honor and a solemn pledge when I promised to be there for my wife as long as we both shall live. However, I wonder how many couples really do look at marriage as something that is a lifelong commitment, and how many seek that new couple jubilation, and lose sight of their partner when it wears off, as it always will. A lifelong commitment means constantly making an effort to build and maintain what you have. After all, there are a lot of people who wake up estranged from their partner and stunned at this realization. There will be things that are for worse, but one should never lose sight of the things that are for better. This is what I know as I look at my wife, and I thank God every day for her.